When the winter comes
by GentleGravity
Summary: Karamatsu is having some throat issues and when he goes to the doctor it turns out to be worse than he thought.


No one could ever have guessed that this drizzly Tuesday morning was the beginning of the Matsuno household's downfall. It was a morning like any other and all the Matsuno brothers were lazily lying about scattered across the house. The only one who still hadn't gotten out of bed yet was Karamatsu which was rather unusual. Most days the oldest brother, Osomatsu, or the fourth brother, Ichimatsu, would be the last ones still in bed, but there was no need to make fuzz about Karamatsu sleeping in once in a while. As long as it wasn't Jyuushimatsu or Choromatsu who remained in bed it was still considered to be somewhat normal. But on this particular day it was Karamatsu who stayed in bed the longest. He had been feeling really tired lately and it had started to take a toll on his body and even though he had been the first to fall asleep the night before he just would not wake up by himself. Finally closing in to 1 pm Choromatsu made his way back to the bedroom to check on his older brother.

Entering the room it was dark and quiet. Karamatsu was lying on his back with the covers up to his nose leaving his closed eyes, thick eyebrows and ruffled bed hair visible. Choromatsu closed the door behind him and went up to the futon. It sure seemed peaceful, sleeping like this. However, it was getting ridiculously late and by now Karamatsu would normally be awake, even on those days he slept in.

"Karamatsu?" Choromatsu's soft concerned voice broke the silence.  
Karamatsu whined in reply and turned around under the covers, facing away from his brother.

"Karamatsu, it's getting late you really should get out of bed" Choromatsu tried again, this time with a bit sterner tone.

The older didn't answer and the silence made Choromatsu feel small; it was deafening. He didn't know whether he should get annoyed or worried about his brother. For a while he put up with the silence and stood still staring at his brother as if he could wake him up with telepathy.

"Karamatsu nii-san" he tried again.  
Nothing.

That's when Choromatsu had had enough. He turned the lights on and pulled the blanket away from his brother.  
"Karamatsu, you need to get up" The desperation was apparent.

Finally Karamatsu reacted to his attempts and slowly turned around to look him in the eyes.

"Oh… good morning my dear…" Karamatsu got interrupted by a yawn as he stretched his upper body but then continued "…brother".

"Do you have any idea what time it is?" Choromatsu said with a frown across his face.

Karamatsu blinked a few times to get accustomed to the bright light from the lamp in the ceiling.

"No" he admitted and clumsily stood up in the futon.

"It's nearing 1pm" Choromatsu let the blanket drop to the ground.

Karamatsu stared back at his brother not sure if it was supposed to be a joke or not. 1pm… usually he never slept longer than 11.

"Guess I was extra tired, maybe from all the attention I've been getting lately from my Karamatsu-girls" a smirk spread across the older one's face as he struck a pose.

Choromatsu's sighed and headed towards the bedroom door.

"Well, get dressed and come down we're all going for Oden at Chibita's in a few".

Well at the Oden stand all the brothers squeezed together to fit on the small accompanying bench. They all placed their orders, everyone except for Karamatsu.

"What're you having nii-san?" Jyuushimatsu asked with his famous sunshine smile spread across his face.

The thought of food made Karamatsu's stomach twist and turn, he was simply just not hungry, and rather he was feeling a bit sick. However he didn't want to concern his beloved brothers with his problems and so he just quickly decided on the smallest bowl of Oden available.

"Will that be enough?" Osomatsu asked teasingly as he bumped his shoulder into his younger brother.

Somehow Osomatsu's nonsense bothered him more than usual and Karamatsu had to hold back not to snap at him. He took a few deep breaths to calm himself down.

"Yes" he then managed to say "I'm not that hungry, I just woke up after all, and this is basically my breakfast".

Seemingly it made sense and the brothers stopped bothering him about his food choice.

As he received his bowl he simply stared at it, feeling like throwing up from the smell alone. The other brother's were happily eating bite after bite, gladly chatting and making stupid jokes. For some reason he felt kind of out of it, and he just didn't know why. Not yet. And the more time that passed the more his brothers started to shoot glances in his direction. They all had noticed he wasn't eating, but no one was saying anything. The eyes felt like haunting shadows that would curse his every step the rest of his life. In Karamatsu's mind he sighed at himself; when did he become so dramatic? In a desperate try to make the brothers leave him alone he finally managed to take a sip of his Oden. The taste felt a bit different from usual and somehow the liquid felt… distant on his tongue, like it didn't actually touch it. Confused about what he felt he contemplated taking another sip just to confirm. With the other sip he noticed that not only did the liquid feel distant, it also hurt; his mouth and throat were sore. Maybe that was the reason he didn't feel like eating? He had been trying to get the brother's attention off him but seeing his strange behavior they all couldn't help but stare at the second oldest. They all thought that he was acting strange, and finally Jyuushimatsu broke the silence.

"Is something wrong Karamatsu?"

Karamatsu didn't turn to face any of the brothers but kept on staring down into the bowl.

"No"

The others exchanged some meaningful looks with each other but silently agreed to leave their brother be. It was clear that something was up, but it was also clear that Karamatsu didn't want to talk about it and none of them were about to force him to.

Arriving back at home Karamatsu immediately made his way to the bathroom. Ever since he had that second bite of Oden the stinging just wouldn't go away. Worried about the cause the second oldest Matsuno son decided to visually inspect the sore area. He felt nervous. What if he had a wound? Karamatsu had never been good with wounds or blood. Even the slightest scratch or the tiniest drop of blood would make his posture waver. Before opening his mouth to the mirror he tried to swallow the new formed lump in his throat, but it hurt immensely. Sweat started to appear on his forehead as his breathing became heavier. He could do this.

When Karamatsu finally opened his mouth he wasn't greeted by a wound as he thought he would. Instead he saw big white spots covering his tongue. Taken aback by what he saw he quickly closed his mouth and took a step back from the mirror. Trying to convince himself that it was no big deal and probably old epithelial cells or something he suddenly noticed the terrified expression across his face in the mirror. This… this wasn't okay, was it? After a few more deep breaths he gathered enough courage to reopen his mouth for a second look. There truly were white large spots all across his tongue, some even on the sides and roof of his mouth. What the hell was going on? He leant in closer to the mirror as if he'd be able to understand it if he stared at it more intensely. Finally he closed his mouth and decided to ask someone else, his mother. She was older and wiser than the brothers and if anyone in this household knew what was going on with him it would be her. He quickly left the bathroom and headed off to find his mother.

It didn't take long. She was in the living room reading a newspaper. Karamatsu nervously walked up to her with a pale complexion on his face.

"Mom…" he began to catch her attention.

Their mother, Matsuyo was a kind and smart old lady who would do anything and everything for her sons. She looked up from the newspaper and looked at the second oldest son with warm eyes.

"Yes?"

Karamatsu almost regretted coming to her, how was he supposed to tell her he had white spots all across his mouth?

"I… I think something's wrong"

Matsuyo put the newspaper aside and took her sons hand. There was no one in this world that was as comforting as her and she always immediately noticed when something big was going on.

"What is it dear? Are you hurt?" Matsuyo's voice was filled with concern for her son.

"Yeah… my throat hurts… and I have… there's something in my mouth, I have white spots in my mouth" Karamatsu frowned as the words left his lips.

Matsuyo tightened the grip around her son's hand and looked at him with a comforting look only a mother could give.

"Let me see" she said and smiled "I'm sure there's nothing to worry about".

Karamatsu opened his mouth and showed the white spots to his mother. The silence that followed was unsettling. Why didn't she say anything? Was it something to worry about after all? Finally Karamatsu couldn't endure it any longer.

"What is it? What's wrong?"

Matsuyo smiled at her son.

"I'm not sure, you seem to have some infection though so we better go to the hospital to get it checked up, you will probably need some medication"

Karamatsu bit his lip. He had always been a worrywart and all of this was a bit too real and a bit too scary to him, and after all he did have a fear of hospitals. Matsuyo knew this and immediately recognized that her son was almost about to cry. She pulled him close and hugged him tightly.

"Don't worry, it will be okay, I won't leave you there no matter what they say, it won't be like back then"

Her words were comforting, but he had to fight with every cell in his body to stop the tears from falling.

When Matsuyo finally let go of his son she looked at him with an analyzing gaze.

"Did you lose weight Karamatsu?" She asked.

The question was unexpected and sudden and thrown off guard Karamatsu couldn't reply. After a few seconds he managed to return to reality and reply.

"I don't know I… I haven't thought about it"

Karamatsu put his hands to his stomach and was surprised how easily he could feel his ribs through his hoodie.

"I think you have… are you eating properly? Am I not making enough food? I should have noticed earlier" Matsuyo kept rambling on without really letting Karamatsu respond.

"No, mom, no it's not your fault, you're making enough food, and I've just not been feeling hungry lately".

Matsuyo looked at her son with concerned eyes.

"Well you're really skinny and I don't think it's a good thing, I would have made you eat more if I'd noticed sooner but you all wear these baggy hoodies all the time how could I have known?" Matsuyo frowned and it was obvious that she was blaming herself for her son's appearance.

"No, you couldn't have known, don't worry mom, it's nothing I'll eat more from now on okay?" Karamatsu put his hand on his mothers shoulder to comfort her in return.

Matsuyo looked up at her son's face with a proud expression.

"You're so kind Karamatsu, let's go to the hospital".

"Thrush? What's that?" Karamatsu sweated nervously as he waited for the doctor's reply.

"It's a fungal infection that cause irritation in the throat, now it can be treated with antifungal medication, but the real question is how you got it. You see fungi are opportunistic which means they normally don't cause infections in healthy human beings, so I have to ask you, do you smoke? Take any prescription medication? Both of these things can make it easier for the fungi to infect the oral cavity".

Karamatsu stared at the doctor before him. His heart had sunken deep down into his stomach. A fungal infection? In the throat? At the moment he couldn't think of anything that would be grosser. And what was he saying? Smoking? Taking prescription medications? This kind of thing didn't happen to healthy people? He exchanged a concerned look with his mother who was sitting in a chair next to him in the medical office.

"No… I… I'm healthy, I don't smoke"

"I see…"

Somehow the doctor seemed disappointed, why? Wasn't it a good thing to not be smoking?

"We need to take some samples for lab analysis, we need to take a mouth swab to determine what antifungal you need and we also need to take some blood for further analysis about causative factors".

Karamatsu swallowed a lump in his throat. This was really a thing wasn't it? Without giving a verbal response he nodded as he stared down at his feet.

"Good, go back out to the waiting room, your name will be called by a nurse when they're ready to take the samples".

Karamatsu stood up and got ready to leave but his mother spoke up.

"When will the results be in? Will we be called back or get the results on a phone call?"

The doctor turned to Matsuyo.

"It depends on the results, the antifungal results should be back within the week, I will call and if it's needed we will then schedule an oppointment".

With each passing day Karamatsu only got worse. The fungal infection slowly spread further and further down his throat and he had a harder time than ever to eat. He started to feel really weak. Karamatsu sleeping in passed noon became the new norm. All of his brothers were worried; even Ichimatsu who normally never admitted to caring about anything other than cats. When Friday came the Matsuno household finally got a phone call from the hospital. Osomatsu was the first to pick up the phone.

"Osomatsu Matsuno, who's this?"

"This is Dr. Asahi and I would like to speak with Karamatsu Matsuno please"

Osomatsu's eyes widened and he was quick in turning around to yell to the rest of the family that the doctor was finally calling.

"Oi! It's the doctor! Karamatsu!"

Karamatsu was half asleep on the living room couch with a fashion magazine resting on top of his chest. Barely conscious he heard his brother's call and opened his eyes. It was really bright so the sun was probably high in the sky, maybe 2 pm? He could hear his family move about the house; all excited to finally hear something from the doctor. Karamatsu struggled to sit up and his weak body was shaking. As he got on his feet his head started pounding. The floor under his feet seemed to move on its own and the carpet on top of it moved in another direction. Slowly and carefully Karamatsu made his way out of the living room towards the hallway. That's when he first encountered another family member who could help him walk towards the phone; Todomatsu. Finally arriving at the phone the entire family had gathered. They waited with anticipation as Karamatsu received the phone from his older brother.

"Yes this is Karamatsu" He could barely breathe.

"Yes Karamatsu, this is Dr. Asahi, your test results are back"  
There was a pause as if Dr. Asahi expected Karamatsu to reply. However the brother was too tense, to anxious to make a sound. Finally the doctor continued.

"I would like to make an emergency appointment at your earliest convenience"

If Karamatsu had been nervous before it was nothing compared to what he was feeling now. His heart was pounding so hard he could feel it through his chest and up his neck, his fingers were shaking and sweat appeared on his forehead. Still, he couldn't say a single word.

"Karamatsu, are you there?" The doctor asked.  
His family members started to get impatient as well to know what was going on and Karamatsu could hear them whisper questions to each other.

"What's going on?" Matsuyo directed the question to Karamatsu.  
"I… I can come in today" Karamatsu almost whispered.

"Good, I'll receive you right away when you arrive"

Karamatsu hung up at the same time as his mother put a supporting hand on his shoulder.  
"You have to go back? Did he say what's wrong?"  
Karamatsu turned around and looked his mother in the eyes. Tears started to appear in the corner of his eyes.

"No he didn't say… that means… this is bad right?"

Matsuyo didn't answer but instead pulled her son in closer to her, hugging him tightly.

"You are so good and brave, don't worry, it will be alright"  
Karamatsu hugged his mother back with a weak and shaking embrace. It didn't take long before his brothers joined them and they all stood for a good few minutes in the doorway together. When the hug finally stopped Karamatsu felt like crying again. He didn't want to have to stop, he didn't want to go to the hospital and he definitely didn't want to know what was wrong.

"Let's go, I'll take you" Matsuyo said and gave her son a comforting smile "It will be okay".

Karamatsu nodded slowly followed his mother out to the car.

"Karamatsu Matsuno" a nurse called from across the waiting room.

Karamatsu and his mother both rose to follow the nurse to the doctor's office. Matsuyo was quick on her feet with Karamatsu struggling behind her. As they arrived the doctor greeted them and motioned them to sit in the chairs across his desk.

"So as I mentioned on the phone the results are back, both from the antifungal investigation and the causative factors and I have both good news and bad news, do you have a preference of which one to hear first?" The doctor's voice was low and serious and it sent shivers down Karamatsu's spine.

"Good please" he replied without looking up from his clenched fists in his lap.

"The fungi infecting your throat is easily treated, I've prescribed you a medication that would help get rid of it within a few days".

Karamatsu nodded slowly, still not looking up from his lap. He felt like if he did he would stop feeling like this was all a bad dream. However, he did feel a bit relieved to hear the infection would be okay. Still there was some bad news waiting for him.

"Thank you doctor" Matsuyo said "now what's the bad news?"

The doctor turned to look at Matsuyo for a short while but then returned his attention back to Karamatsu; or more specifically the top of Karamatsu's head.

"The bad news is… "He took a deep breath before continuing "We have found HIV virus in your blood".

Karamatsu didn't react to the statement. He just kept on staring at his hands, confused, chocked and devastated. What was he talking about? HIV? How was that even possible? Next to him his mother started crying. He didn't want to look, didn't want to make this all become reality. He could still pretend he didn't know. It didn't have to be a thing.

"Karamatsu, do you hear me?" The doctor asked with a concerned voice "there are things we can do, there are HIV suppressants that are rather good these days, and if we caught your infection in time we can stop this and you can live your life normally".

Karamatsu slowly turned his attention to the doctor; finally looking up. Yet he was not strong enough to turn to his crying mother.

"I can live like normal?" His voice had a glimpse of hope but the overall feeling he expressed was devastation.

"If the medication works, yes. Your HIV levels are quite high and we've discovered it in a quite late stage meaning it could be too late, but let's remain hopeful and try the medication; after all many others have managed to turn it around at this point"

Karamatsu's heart sank to his stomach " _if_ " the medication worked.

"Now there are a few important things to point out about this medication. As you may know there is no cure for HIV, only suppressants, in order for the suppressants to have effect you need to take the medication every day at the same time without failing, or there is a risk for relapse of an active infection. With this medication your immune system will become healthier and you'll be less prone to other infections, if the medication doesn't work you will get many infections of opportunistic nature and they will be serious, when complex infections happens during short periods of time that's when we know the HIV has developed into AIDS which is terminal. You will have a regular contact person here at the hospital and you will be introduced to a support group where other individuals diagnosed with HIV can meet and discuss their lives and chare tips on how to live with the infection".

"But I don't understand…" Karamatsu hesitated… "How can I have HIV I… I'm still virgin"

He was still holding on to the hope that this was all a big mistake, that this was a dream, that it wasn't true. The doctor opened his mouth but Matsuyo beat him to it.

"It's contagious through blood dear"

Karamatsu turned to his mother and met her cried out eyes.

"But… didn't they check me after the accident? I didn't have anything then, how can I have it now? It's been years!" Karamatsu started to panic. This couldn't be true, it couldn't.

"It's extremely rare but sometimes a test result will be falsely negative and that seems to be the case here. Once you get an HIV infection you will have an acute phase with flu like symptoms, after that the virus will remain latent in your body. You have probably had the infection since back then and now the virus is trying to take over your body and give you AIDS, that's why we need to act quickly now".

The first tears finally appeared in the corner of his eyes.

"This is not real, this can't be real, how could you miss something like that? How have I walked around with HIV for 7 years without knowing? This isn't fair!" Karamatsu's voice was and facial expression was desperate.

He turned to his mother with tears streaming down his cheeks.

"…Mom"

Not even a second later she had her arms around her crying son trying to comfort him with all she had.

"It's going to be okay, you will be fine, the doctor says there's hope, we're going straight to the pharmacy to get your medicine as soon as you are ready to walk okay?" As she hugged him she slowly swayed her upper body back and forth to soothe him like she had done when he was still just a kid. Karamatsu dug his fingers into the fabric of his mother's shirt. He didn't feel that hopeful, he didn't want to remain hopeful, this was the end he was sure of it. He didn't want to let go. He felt like if he let go he would start drifting away. Not sure whether he was trying to comfort himself or his mother he slowly nodded into her shoulder and tightened the hug with his weak embrace.

No one in the Matsuno household was to talk about it unless Karamatsu brought it up himself. "Try to act like everything is normal" Matsuyo had told the brothers after explaining the situation for them. In less than a week their entire world had changed, and their brother might be dying. Whenever he knew someone was around he put on a brave face and he would strike poses and make jokes. But whenever he was alone, or thought he was, he'd lie completely still, coughing, whimpering and crying. The hardest part for the Matsuno brother's was to pretend not to notice. They started to keep away to lessen his burden to prove himself in front of them. Karamatsu was truly slowly fading and everyone in the house could feel it.

"Did you take your medication today?" Matsuyo entered the living room with a tray of hot chocolate.

Karamatsu sat up as quickly as he could, which was really not quick at all.

"Yes, but thank you for reminding me" He noticed the tray with the hot chocolate "Is that for me?"

"Yes" Matsuyo smiled and sat down next to her son on the couch.

She handed him the mug which was only half filled so it wasn't too heavy for him.

"How are you feeling? Are you getting any better?" She put a comforting hand on his back and tried to keep a calm smile across her face. In reality though, she wanted to do nothing more than scream and cry and hug him.

"The fungal infection is almost gone, but my head has been hurting really bad lately and I keep coughing"

Karamatsu's voice was weak, too weak.

"Don't give up, you're so strong I know you'll make it through this. You will be able to live a normal life once the HIV levels have gone down" She half-embraced her son but left him some room to drink the hot chocolate.

Karamatsu didn't reply. There was no need to and he was feeling too weak.

"You will see, by the time winter comes it will be like nothing of this never happened"

The way he felt right now there was no way that could be true, but he didn't want to say that to his mother. "Let her believe; let her hope", he thought to himself.

She then left him to finish his chocolate and go back to sleep.

Time passed, days became weeks and weeks became months. With every day Karamatsu seemed to get worse and worse. He started having regular fevers, nausea and joint pain. At the end of November he didn't leave the bed unless he had to use the bathroom. His body had grown so weak he could barely do anything by himself. There was no one that could deny that he was slowly, slowly, fading away. It seemed like he slept in a little longer every passing day. And one day, the first day of the winter, he didn't wake up at all.


End file.
